Oh, brother.

Everyone seems to be trying to find themselves, the problem is, they dont know what the hell they are looking for. 

I have been guilty of it too, dont worry. So quit worrying about this nonsense and just enjoy life. Life is not like the movie Garden State, and thats a good thing. A VERY good thing. Unless of course you want it to be, and good luck then.

Things are... going. I am still living in Illinois. It's very unfortunate. I am not heading back to BYU Idaho this spring like i had planned, for a number of reasons. Mainly though, because I always get depressed with the environment there. I have no animosity towards my school, in fact i may go back, just not yet. I have been experiencing a lot of things with myself and with my family that I never thought I would have to deal with, and I am still dealing with them, I know Rexburg, Idaho is not where I need to deal with them. I really really love my friends there, so much, its really hard for me to think that I wont be going back to them like i had hoped. It's not the easy thing to do, but I know its the right thing to do. So for now, what am I doing with my life other than working at a craft store? That is a wonderful question. 

But if BYUI could see me now... I would probably be thrown out of the city for being homeless.

I got a compliment yesterday, "Your Mormon? You dont look clean cut enough to be Mormon"

Oh well, Lorenzo Snow is turning over in his grave.

I dont know If id make the cut right now.

It seems I try to make plans with my life and God/Fate/whatever it is doesn't let me, but things have a funny way of often working out best this way. Maybe I'm justifying the shit life has been throwing my way. Oh well.

I dont know what to say, i dont know where to start to catch you up on my life. I am constantly tired and sore, this is not a depressed blog, i truly am being sincere and positive. I am just burnt out, and dont know how to make the next step. I need to leave here, I never thought I would be home again this long. I had goals to make things better in my life, but when other problems that were here presented themselves, I havent had the means/motive to focus on taking care of myself and the health problems I have struggled through. 

Money concerns me, as does my music. It is such a positive force in my life, I just struggle with knowing how much of my life I want to make it. I don't believe compliments I receive, I dont know why. If I do decide to do more with music, I often feel that I dont even know where to begin. I am still working toward getting 'Object Permanence' out, It is done in fact, just technical stuff is happening. Oh well, I cant seem to find the time to write on this, if I did, maybe my blogs would be more cohesive and people would know what is going on with me. Well, people who read this, who could be virtually anyone, creepy.

Well, watch this. I have been writing even newer songs that seem to be slightly influenced by this man, but not quite in a dead obvious way. oh yeah, It's J. Tillman.