Salt Lake City?

I may be moving to SLC. I ran away from home. It's not as crazy as it sounds.

But it feels right, and if things come together I think i'll stay there for a while.

I have seen people that i have missed so much, its so overwhelming, it erased the loneliness I had before.

New songs, for an album after this album that still isnt released, how weird. ha.

I am no longer a lobbyist.

Chills

Sun Kil Moon - Like the River

We floated downstream like swans in the sun
Surrounded by friends and lovers
We watched on with smiles beaming so bright
The river behind them, the fading daylight


I knew her back from when she was young
Those days poured out faster than rounds from a gun
Scattered like shells and lost to the sea
Like the river the days move rapidly


I have all these memories, I don't know what for
I have them and I can't help it
Some overflow and spill like waves
some I will harbour
For all of my days


I burned liked oil, you grew like a flower
Rising toward your magical hour
I was not yours and you were not mine
Our true love finds us when it is time


We drove back downtown
Wasted and spent
Down highways that I remember
Happy for her and happy for me
The old times and the new to uncover


I laid down my head, in love with the night
With my new love beside me, her radiant light
I faded away, along with my thoughts
Like a dream and I trail off mystically

inspired

Lost Verses

Sun Kil Moon - Lost Verses 

So my Aunt passed away yesterday. Judy was much too young to die. I was able to visit her last week, and I cant believe how awful death can be. It seems that most of the death I have known has been something quick, something I didn't have to witness, and that person did not have to suffer to this degree. I am glad she is out of pain. 

It's earth shattering when something like this happens, our busy lives slow down and we take time to reflect and visit family, nothing else seems very important for a bit. Some people deal with it, and others don't which seems to be damaging later on. I don't really know what I am trying to say or accomplish.

I am looking for one way tickets to Salt Lake, and I'm actually going to buy one.

Oh, brother.

Everyone seems to be trying to find themselves, the problem is, they dont know what the hell they are looking for. 

I have been guilty of it too, dont worry. So quit worrying about this nonsense and just enjoy life. Life is not like the movie Garden State, and thats a good thing. A VERY good thing. Unless of course you want it to be, and good luck then.

Things are... going. I am still living in Illinois. It's very unfortunate. I am not heading back to BYU Idaho this spring like i had planned, for a number of reasons. Mainly though, because I always get depressed with the environment there. I have no animosity towards my school, in fact i may go back, just not yet. I have been experiencing a lot of things with myself and with my family that I never thought I would have to deal with, and I am still dealing with them, I know Rexburg, Idaho is not where I need to deal with them. I really really love my friends there, so much, its really hard for me to think that I wont be going back to them like i had hoped. It's not the easy thing to do, but I know its the right thing to do. So for now, what am I doing with my life other than working at a craft store? That is a wonderful question. 

But if BYUI could see me now... I would probably be thrown out of the city for being homeless.

I got a compliment yesterday, "Your Mormon? You dont look clean cut enough to be Mormon"

Oh well, Lorenzo Snow is turning over in his grave.

I dont know If id make the cut right now.

It seems I try to make plans with my life and God/Fate/whatever it is doesn't let me, but things have a funny way of often working out best this way. Maybe I'm justifying the shit life has been throwing my way. Oh well.

I dont know what to say, i dont know where to start to catch you up on my life. I am constantly tired and sore, this is not a depressed blog, i truly am being sincere and positive. I am just burnt out, and dont know how to make the next step. I need to leave here, I never thought I would be home again this long. I had goals to make things better in my life, but when other problems that were here presented themselves, I havent had the means/motive to focus on taking care of myself and the health problems I have struggled through. 

Money concerns me, as does my music. It is such a positive force in my life, I just struggle with knowing how much of my life I want to make it. I don't believe compliments I receive, I dont know why. If I do decide to do more with music, I often feel that I dont even know where to begin. I am still working toward getting 'Object Permanence' out, It is done in fact, just technical stuff is happening. Oh well, I cant seem to find the time to write on this, if I did, maybe my blogs would be more cohesive and people would know what is going on with me. Well, people who read this, who could be virtually anyone, creepy.

Well, watch this. I have been writing even newer songs that seem to be slightly influenced by this man, but not quite in a dead obvious way. oh yeah, It's J. Tillman.

Decatur.

Go to Hell, Decatur.