balance.

finding faith in electronic music.

2009-09-10T22:52:00.003-06:00

I guess I haven't listened to electronic music since high school, amongst my vaccination with what I perceive as a wide amount of genres, though really its pretty closed off.

I played a house show a couple months ago that I was having a pretty off night at, my guitar busted a string and i played an out of tune guitar that jangled, I felt awkward and disinterested, sometimes I imagine this though, but im not even writing to talk about me. I made friends with Sean, who is in a band called Forest World, the music makes me really happy. Thats all really, Listen to this and see if im wrong... The lyrics are good, its not just 'dance' music. It's wonderful.

FOREST WORLD

Albums I Adore.

2009-09-09T12:17:00.004-06:00

These are some albums i really love. They arnt flawless, but albums that have really hit the spot for me over the last year or so and influence writing. All of these bands make me want to make a band similar to them. Though i feel like starting a second band. Whos in? All 5 Albums im posting are worth buying with real money, or at least those Sacajawea coins.

American Football-American Football

J. Tillman - Cancer and Delirium

Bonnie Price Billy & Matt Sweeny- Superwolf

Townes Van Zandt - Rear View Mirror (live record)

Julie Doiron - I can wonder what you did with your day

weezer? drew danburry? yes!

2009-08-25T00:28:00.003-06:00

hell.

2009-08-25T00:01:00.002-06:00

What we gather is just an over pouring of emotion. From years of neglect to something we didnt even know existed. Now that we do, we're done for.

Sometimes I just feel upset to know that evil exists, that bad and pain is inevitable, and that the illogical is still illogical. We can't make sense of things not sensible.

Like the bizzare feeling of crying over a friend who died years ago, that hardly passes through your mind as much as they should. Grieving over things that our grieving period is up on.

I remember being young and hearing about people who got bed sores, and how i thought that was the saddest thing I have ever heard. Maybe the world we live in has made us more bothered by not having solutions or not understanding every little thing.

happy happy happy happy happy.

happiness is a choice not a place or state of mind.
i hope people get what i mean by that without thinking im depressing as hell.

Happiness as a choice.

2009-07-22T21:41:00.002-06:00

Sometimes, 'fulfillment' and 'happiness' have much more to do with our internal place than external place.

While driving to Park City yesterday for a show, I was driving off I-80. Now for me, this road bears bizarre but significant symbolism in my own life. This road connects the midwest, where my dear friends and parents are, to Utah, and where I am right now. When I lived in Idaho I would take I-80 to get back and forth from Illinois the few times I made this long drive. It's like a gateway that connects the two spots my life has been based. These longs drives have always been filled with nostalgia and feeling. I turned my signal, though I immediately realized I was heading east on I-80. I did not want to get off. After nearly 8 months of longing to be here, I suddenly want to be there. We often think happiness is a milestone that will be achived after something comes about, but its obvious to me, that its much more than that. Sometimes, its much more than that
.

free and clean.

2009-06-25T02:00:00.003-06:00

so i made my 'clean getaway' i suppose.

life is going ok here, its all new, its all different, its not better, its not worse, just different. though some of the things you try to leave just follow you, or sneak in my luggage, not sure how, but i still have the same slate to deal with, but with the blessing of a new perspective and new priority. once that candle burns down, your left with the same feeling that your in the same spot you were, even if progress was made, we dont want it, we want everything to go to its "right place" and us be a 100% new person. It doesn't seem to go that way though.

most days its just hard to be still and be satisfied, we have so many reasons to be though, and to continually work toward improvements.

and though life is short, we still have plenty of time, so relax dude.

Oh my.

2009-05-23T03:16:00.004-06:00

http://www.paleo.ws

Go. Listen.

Paleo has one major release. A DVD with 365 Songs on it, A song a day, written and recorded for a year. you can hear it all on his website, and download it all if you please. It's the gift that keeps giving.

Salt Lake City?

2009-04-25T00:17:00.002-06:00

I may be moving to SLC. I ran away from home. It's not as crazy as it sounds.

But it feels right, and if things come together I think i'll stay there for a while.

I have seen people that i have missed so much, its so overwhelming, it erased the loneliness I had before.

New songs, for an album after this album that still isnt released, how weird. ha.

I am no longer a lobbyist.

2009-04-14T23:05:00.001-06:00

Chills

2009-04-14T11:02:00.001-06:00

Sun Kil Moon - Like the River

We floated downstream like swans in the sun
Surrounded by friends and lovers
We watched on with smiles beaming so bright
The river behind them, the fading daylight

I knew her back from when she was young
Those days poured out faster than rounds from a gun
Scattered like shells and lost to the sea
Like the river the days move rapidly

I have all these memories, I don't know what for
I have them and I can't help it
Some overflow and spill like waves
some I will harbour
For all of my days

I burned liked oil, you grew like a flower
Rising toward your magical hour
I was not yours and you were not mine
Our true love finds us when it is time

We drove back downtown
Wasted and spent
Down highways that I remember
Happy for her and happy for me
The old times and the new to uncover

I laid down my head, in love with the night
With my new love beside me, her radiant light
I faded away, along with my thoughts
Like a dream and I trail off mystically

inspired

2009-04-12T23:58:00.000-06:00

Lost Verses

2009-04-07T17:22:00.004-06:00

Sun Kil Moon - Lost Verses

So my Aunt passed away yesterday. Judy was much too young to die. I was able to visit her last week, and I cant believe how awful death can be. It seems that most of the death I have known has been something quick, something I didn't have to witness, and that person did not have to suffer to this degree. I am glad she is out of pain.

It's earth shattering when something like this happens, our busy lives slow down and we take time to reflect and visit family, nothing else seems very important for a bit. Some people deal with it, and others don't which seems to be damaging later on. I don't really know what I am trying to say or accomplish.

I am looking for one way tickets to Salt Lake, and I'm actually going to buy one.

Oh, brother.

2009-04-04T20:48:00.005-06:00

Everyone seems to be trying to find themselves, the problem is, they dont know what the hell they are looking for.

I have been guilty of it too, dont worry. So quit worrying about this nonsense and just enjoy life. Life is not like the movie Garden State, and thats a good thing. A VERY good thing. Unless of course you want it to be, and good luck then.

Things are... going. I am still living in Illinois. It's very unfortunate. I am not heading back to BYU Idaho this spring like i had planned, for a number of reasons. Mainly though, because I always get depressed with the environment there. I have no animosity towards my school, in fact i may go back, just not yet. I have been experiencing a lot of things with myself and with my family that I never thought I would have to deal with, and I am still dealing with them, I know Rexburg, Idaho is not where I need to deal with them. I really really love my friends there, so much, its really hard for me to think that I wont be going back to them like i had hoped. It's not the easy thing to do, but I know its the right thing to do. So for now, what am I doing with my life other than working at a craft store? That is a wonderful question.

But if BYUI could see me now... I would probably be thrown out of the city for being homeless.

I got a compliment yesterday, "Your Mormon? You dont look clean cut enough to be Mormon"

Oh well, Lorenzo Snow is turning over in his grave.

I dont know If id make the cut right now.

It seems I try to make plans with my life and God/Fate/whatever it is doesn't let me, but things have a funny way of often working out best this way. Maybe I'm justifying the shit life has been throwing my way. Oh well.

I dont know what to say, i dont know where to start to catch you up on my life. I am constantly tired and sore, this is not a depressed blog, i truly am being sincere and positive. I am just burnt out, and dont know how to make the next step. I need to leave here, I never thought I would be home again this long. I had goals to make things better in my life, but when other problems that were here presented themselves, I havent had the means/motive to focus on taking care of myself and the health problems I have struggled through.

Money concerns me, as does my music. It is such a positive force in my life, I just struggle with knowing how much of my life I want to make it. I don't believe compliments I receive, I dont know why. If I do decide to do more with music, I often feel that I dont even know where to begin. I am still working toward getting 'Object Permanence' out, It is done in fact, just technical stuff is happening. Oh well, I cant seem to find the time to write on this, if I did, maybe my blogs would be more cohesive and people would know what is going on with me. Well, people who read this, who could be virtually anyone, creepy.

Well, watch this. I have been writing even newer songs that seem to be slightly influenced by this man, but not quite in a dead obvious way. oh yeah, It's J. Tillman.

Decatur.

2009-04-04T20:43:00.001-06:00

Go to Hell, Decatur.

a concerned letter

2009-01-12T01:09:00.001-07:00

Dear suburban teenagers who come into Hobby Lobby,

When you ask where pipe cleaner is, I know that you dont need that pipe cleaner to make cute crafts, but for other pastimes.

Love

Brent

If I had to have one album for the rest of my life...

2008-12-29T01:11:00.003-07:00

I would have to say it would be this....

what would be yours?

i find it interesting that out of all the albums i enjoy when i think about the ones id like to have for the rest of my life, my immediate reactions are older albums, why is that? i still believe in music now... i think there is a very endearing, nostalgic, quality to music 3 times my age. i cant explain it. i guess i like the simplicity of early pop/rock music like the this album or songs displayed in mo-town, or the beatles records. does anyone know what i mean? i just dont hear songs like 'Sunday Morning,' and 'I'll be your mirror' anymore. Maybe I should dig deeper. and does anyone understand what im talking about?

oh, and its not often that i have too hard of a time with coveting, but i really really want to justify buying this, though its impossible.

did i ever show you this?/I have goals.

2008-12-27T16:44:00.002-07:00

show you this?

im still doing a lot with music, its just coming together slowly, but in the best way possible id like to think.

The Awful Truth - Son Of Disaster from Tyler Williams on Vimeo.

though this has nothing to do with new years. no. gross.

as many of you know i am living in Decatur again and in a situation that i want out of. mostly being, living in Decatur.

i am continuing school, slowly, yet, surely. i will be taking one online class this winter. i would like to be moved out or doing another tour/ then moving by early March. i wish it could be sooner, but it cant. i will either do another semester at BYUI or start anew. there is still a lot of mystery.

so Christmas right? right. right...

i cannot deny that this is good.

2008-12-23T16:47:00.000-07:00

pleurisy blues.

2008-12-22T22:23:00.002-07:00

it may be that ive been spending so much time in bed, or it may just be what my life is coming to, but i have had a constant feeling of nostalgia for the last week or so.

i can look at the beautiful people i know, i see their pictures, i read their letters, i relive the memories. and i want it, i want the feeling of joy and love around me at all times. im sure in my mind im skipping a lot of details, but i just wish that i could somehow be with/and there for everyone i love, but i cant. i try, but i fall out on my face, back to myself and my own problems.

i am tired of being lonely, i am tired of feeling so desperate and deprived and reaching out for nothing. its no way to live. i cant explain how much i miss the people i love, it makes my body ache.

love,

again again, relax.

2008-12-21T13:44:00.004-07:00

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=38669132820

theres a lot of these, i think i will only blog on these topics to get attention, cause people will comment my blog.

but seriously, just because you make a group called the facts and then re-list what you think, doesn't make them facts, especailly when they are backed up with nothing.

alright. im done.

It's snowing in Illinois, there has been nasty ice, and did i mention i have pleurisy? nice eh?

relax.

2008-12-19T01:43:00.006-07:00

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=47881126632

this struck me as bazaar. this isn't a post about prop 8 or my views on it, this is not to talk about what is and is not acceptable.

for those of you who try to stay away from facebook-- good, keep doing so, this is a group called "Stop persecution of the LDS church for prop 8!" This came across absurd to me for several reasons.

Mainly this--- who is the victim here, really? Supposedly everyone is, but the more i read and come to know i have realized that the Yes campaign used a lot of unrealistic scare tactics, the biggest being that they will teach children about homosexuality. I don't know, even if people did, if it was done appropriately i dont see how thats damaging if done appropriately. I dont think it should be advised or taught just as many issues are left alone in public schools. I was not taught acceptance as a child, which is why my mentality was that the whole thing was 'not normal' and 'wrong' again this isnt a question of that, its just about in general the honesty of all of this, if you use tactics like that, of course people are going to vote against it, even homosexuals would if they didnt understand that thats not true.

Being a part of a group that says that you are a victim of persecution, honestly? As a member of the LDS Church you should understand that your opinions are different and not popular by now, I sure have, its been that way since it started. This is also how homosexuals are--- they have been told they are wrong by lots of people, but its a frustrating feeling. I am not saying they are the same things, because they arnt, but the hate others have built even when saying they 'love the sinner but hate the sin' is a frustrating feeling. I think we have all felt this to some degree.

So basically here is my beef-People protested at lots of places, just because they protested in front of the temple, the temple means something different to some people than it does to you. Dont pretend that you are the victim, and you are hated, and that there is absolutely no reason people would be upset with the church, because it is within your rights, but to me---- there is no denial that $20 million dollars does help tip the scales.

Extremists--Its our right to protest, but you have to understand why certain things rub people the wrong way, all of this cannot be summed up in a sign that says 'bah bah bah', its ineffective, foolish, fighting. Stuff like this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJYn3BoZkcQ) is not 100% honest either.

I received this email from a person i hardly know by simply saying that I am sad that marriage equality does not exist yet.

"I don’t want to sound rude, but you obviously aren’t a *faithful*

Mormon. A Mormon you may be, but you must not have much in the way of
faith if you don’t trust that the Prophet speaks for God in instances
such as this. And if you don’t believe that, then your trust in the
Church in general sort of unravels. God does not believe in marriage equality, why should we?"

So because a prophet says something, i am not allowed to think otherwise? I support Thomas S. Monson. We have to realize he is mortal too, Prophets make mistakes. I'm just saying if it doesnt feel right to you, and you dont get your own 'revelation' or whatever you would like to refer to it as.(fuzzy feeling, "at peace with it", etc) Sorry, I can't dig on that. I cant push away my own thoughts and compromise to confusion. Faith plays a huge role in a lot of my views, but this one i cant seem to again, have my own 'revelation' of.

is anyone else bothered by the attitudes of people on this issue? both sides, im calling you out.

so people, lets learn respect for one another, thats the biggest issue as far as im concerned.

i love you, no matter what you think.

oh Viking Moses...

2008-12-15T00:32:00.002-07:00

I played a lovely house show with Viking Moses last week.

It was a very beautiful performance.
He released a record called 'the parts that showed'
It is an album with a very direct story, focusing on a
teenage girl who is a prostitute in a small town, but does things
like buys ice cream for kids with her money, its very creative and amazing.
I'm really enjoying it. At least check out this awesome song....

update

2008-12-15T00:10:00.002-07:00

Me: Did you find everything ok?

Customer: Yes.

Me. Do you have a Reward Zone Card?

Customer:What?

Me. Do you have a Reward Zone Card?

Customer: A War Zone Card?

Me. No, a Reward Zone Card, its a free points back system we offer, for every $250 you spend we give you $5 back.

Customer: is it free?

Me. Yes

Customer: oh, awesome! that sounds like an awesome deal

Me. Yeah... um... Yeah...

*gets information from customer*

Me. Have you heard about our Reward Zone Master Card? It's 18 months no interest.

Customer. Is it free?

Me. Ummm... its a credit card, so not really, no.

Customer. Oh...

Me. Would you like to donate to Toys for Teens today?

Customer. Ha! Im Christmas shoppin for my kids... thats charity right...

Me ..........

Me. Were you interested in Black Tie Protection on that IPod today? Its 39.99. and it is a 2 year warranty. (though apple already gives you a 2 year warrenty, who wants to deal with that? ugh... never want to deal with that, too much stress, as if just getting checked out is not stressful)

Customer. of course! my daughter is always breakin those Ipods!

Me. Great...

your total is ......

Customer. (pays with credit card pad, gets confused by the high technology of the touch screen)

Me. (Grabs receipt) at the bottom of your receipt (highlight link) there is a link, if you go there and fill out a survey you will be entered to win a shopping spree of $5,000. It will ask for your Cashiers name, my name is Brent and a wrote it at the bottom.

Have a good day.

Customer (runs for the door before i ask anymore questions)

.............................................................................................................

I got bored just typing this.

I hope you got some sort of idea the robot i have turned into.

home and happenings

2008-11-02T19:26:00.004-07:00

Once again, I am back in Illinois. It's a wonderful place. I am helping capitalist friends to get back on my feet financially and get this record out.

Dream jobs. I may just settle down here in the heartland, and work these jobs the rest of my life.

Other than that.

.....

JAZZERCISE!

2008-08-20T15:56:00.002-06:00

best find ever!